Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He shit in the fireplace
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
