What a fucking waste of an outfit
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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