Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
