I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
PANTIES FOUND
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