Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
