so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
