I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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