beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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