What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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