if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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