I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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