my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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