Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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