Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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