Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
