McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
