im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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