Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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