Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
