I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
