i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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