we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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