She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
