I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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