considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
