So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
