i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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