So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
