I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
