Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
