so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
