Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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