I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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