Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
