you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
