he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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