You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
this hospital has no fireball
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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