Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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