I cockslap morals
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize