I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got inside last night via doggy door
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
