So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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