True but thats because hes a fetus.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
