I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
