i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
