I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
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Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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