When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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