He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
