Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
sex in a hospital.. check
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
