I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
