Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
