Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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