i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Everything about him screamed your future.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
