all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
