If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
then he tried to convert me to islam
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
