Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
