Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Randomize
