She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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