Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
