i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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