Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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