...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
