Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
