Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
