I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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