i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
