so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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