my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
