just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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