I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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