his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize